A woman sits at a table in a kitchen, holding her forehead with a pained expression, appearing stressed or overwhelmed. In the background, a man stands near the kitchen counter, slightly blurred, suggesting a domestic setting and a tense or difficult situation.

Burnout is typically associated with the pressure to perform and achieve, such as with a high-power career or a demanding college program. The physical, mental, and emotional manifestation of this type of stress often leads to exhaustion and disconnection from one’s priorities and daily life. However, recent research found that the signs of burnout can also be present in those going through a divorce.

While overwhelming to endure, burnout, in general, is not uncommon. A 2021 study found that out of 1,000 workers surveyed across seven counties (including the United States), 70% reported experiencing burnout in the last year. 

In addition to its application to family and other adverse life events, the discovery of burnout among 1,856 recently divorced individuals led to a more specific definition that addresses the unique emotional, mental, and physical challenges one faces during a divorce, from initiation to finalization.   

In this article, we’ll build awareness of divorce burnout, its influences and indicators, and how to overcome it, no matter where you are in the divorce process. 

What are the Signs of Divorce Burnout? 

Life does not stop while going through a divorce, and daily obligations, such as childcare, employment, family, and social dynamics still remain, leaving little time to address your own needs and well-being. The accumulation of life’s responsibilities can make managing your attention and energy more difficult while also reducing your capability to deal with new challenges. This pattern, sometimes lasting months, is what leads to the three components of divorce burnout: 

  1. Exhaustion: Regardless of how early you go to bed or resist the next episode of a late-night Netflix marathon, if you are still tired, experience brain fog, and feel emotionally drained, then you may be encountering the first indicator of divorce burnout that impacts your physical, mental, and emotional energy. Exhaustion is the most outwardly noticeable sign of divorce burnout. It stems from intense emotions paired with shaken confidence, eroded self-image, and the mountain of paperwork that inevitably accompanies divorce negotiations. When left unaddressed, exhaustion can negatively affect your personal and professional life. 
  2. Decreased ability to cope: Just as navigating co-parenting schedules and managing finances depletes your energy, the increasing demands also reduce your ability to handle the challenges that arise during a divorce. This reduced ability can look like difficulty managing your emotions, making decisions, and neglecting basic tasks like chores, meals, and appointments. 
  3. Disengagement: The divorce process can be relentless, and it often feels like no end is in sight. Once a person reaches that point, they may disconnect and withdraw due to a decreased desire to interact with others and participate in everyday routines. If you experience this, you may view previously important priorities and loved ones, even those that align with beliefs and values, as no longer having the same appeal or requiring more effort than available. This perspective can devastate and isolate you further from the routines and support systems necessary for stability and a sense of normalcy during this tumultuous time. 

Recognizing these signs of burnout is crucial for addressing and mitigating its impacts effectively.

The Impact of Divorce Burnout 

The three components of divorce burnout, first and foremost, affect the couple directly involved in the divorce, but it has a wide reach and may impact multiple areas of life, including children, friends, and work. 

If you’re feeling burned out as a parent, you may struggle to engage in effective co-parenting or stabilize your children, who are also processing and comprehending the divorce. Regulating a child’s emotions is already challenging, but the task’s difficulty increases when you are working to manage your feelings. 

When divorce burnout causes disengagement and withdrawal, it can strain close friendships, even those with the best intentions of offering help. In instances like frequently canceling plans or lacking emotional availability when they need support, friends may not fully understand those actions and may withdraw as well.

At work, higher levels of divorce burnout led to more absences (including sick days), influencing work performance, productivity, and income. The exhaustion, disengagement, and stress accompanying burnout may detract from your professional life, meaning missed deadlines or decreased efficiency.  

Contributors to Divorce Burnout 

Although divorce burnout can appear at any stage of the separation, recognizing early signs of burnout is essential to prevent its onset or worsening. It is important to note that experiencing these factors does not mean divorce burnout is inevitable, and your unique situation, resources, and support system play a significant role in your journey. 

  1. Lack of a strong support system: Having a strong support system can help ease some of the challenges that come with divorce. Family, friends, or even mental health professionals can offer emotional support, practical help, and a sense of belonging during this tough time. While a new romantic partner may provide extra support, it’s important to focus on your own emotional well-being and readiness before thinking about a new relationship. Building a reliable network of loved ones and professionals is key to navigating the challenges of the divorce process.
  2. The former spouse initiating the divorce: The decision to separate may not always be mutual, and when one partner initiates the divorce, the other may feel rejected, abandoned, and hurt. They may also feel a loss of control because their partner made the decision, potentially going against their wishes.
  3. A higher degree of conflict during the divorce process: High-conflict divorces may involve clashes related to co-parenting or custody, tension over the division of assets, or hurt feelings due to infidelity or dishonesty. Prolonged intense conflict can contribute to an emotionally draining environment, leading to exhaustion, disengagement, and reduced ability to cope, which are characteristic of divorce burnout. 

An awareness of these contributors to divorce burnout helps not only those directly involved in the divorce process but also their support system, which can include mental health professionals. Early identification and prevention are critical for people facing divorce burnout. Implementing these interventions ensures they receive the necessary assistance and support while creating an environment that acknowledges and destigmatizes burnout in divorce.

Moving Forward and Overcoming Divorce Burnout

Overcoming divorce burnout is challenging but possible with perseverance, self-compassion, and patience. Having a supportive circle through loved ones, support groups, or counseling provides much-needed guidance and empathy during this transition. Finding time to engage in self-care activities like exercise, mindfulness, proper nutrition, and restful sleep can replenish the mental and physical reserves needed to keep moving forward. For those experiencing signs of burnout, know that healing is possible one step at a time with support. 

Navigating Divorce with Sutherland Family Law

The path through divorce is rarely easy, and at Sutherland Family Law, we recognize the immense strain it can place on your emotional well-being. Our dedicated team is here not just to navigate the legal complexities but to provide the support you need to manage the stress that often accompanies these proceedings. With decades of experience in family law, our team is prepared to guide you with professional advice and personal support, helping you avoid the pitfalls of exhaustion and burnout. Reach out to Sutherland Family Law today, and let us help you find a way forward with confidence and care.